Carjackers Paradise

On a recent trip to the gas station nearest my house (I was on fumes), I pulled into the brand new Shell station down the block. Now to say this gas station is technologically advanced would be an understatement. This place knows when you pull up and get out of your car. When you do it starts spewing ads at you. "Buy this, watch this, less emissions, blah blah." Then it happened. On comes the NBC on Shell TV segment which replays bits of the Tonight Show for you to gaze at while you empty your wallet at the pump. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for equal opportunity employment nowadays but I must draw the line at being so enamored by the boob tube at Shell that I don't notice some carjacker running up behind me, clubbing me over the head with a flashlight and driving away in my 2005 ******** SUV. All before Jay's done with the monologue.

 

I understand that the pump-side entertainment is provided to distract us from how much we're paying for gas but it's also giving these thugs ample opportunity to step out from behind any of the nicely trimmed bushes that make up the Shell landscape and have their way with us unsuspecting gougee's. Here's an idea Shell, how 'bout a big #!$%&* mirror instead?

 

I digress.